Loneliness

Since you left me, I’ve been lonely.

Star-far from the person right next to me.

--Franz Wright

The most challenging thing about losing a spouse is confronting the obstacle of loneliness. A certain lack of belonging has come to define my life. I am no longer a wife or companion. I am no longer part of a couple. I am alone. This feeling of loneliness assaults me on a daily basis.

1. Loneliness and solitude are different.

You can feel lonely yet still feel as though you need some time to yourself. Loneliness feels draining, distracting, and upsetting. Desired solitude feels peaceful, creative and restorative.

2. Nurture others

raising children, teaching, caring for animals, helps to alleviate loneliness.

3. Many people need both a social circle and an intimate attachment.

Having only one of these elements may still leave you feeling lonely.

4. Work hard to get your sleep.

One of the most common indicators of loneliness is broken sleep—taking a long time to fall asleep, waking frequently, and feeling sleepy during the day. Sleep deprivation, under any circumstances, brings down people’s moods, makes them more likely to get sick, and dampens their energy, so it’s important to tackle this issue.

5. Try to figure out what’s missing from your life.

The more clearly you see what’s lacking, the more clearly you’ll see possible solutions. After being married for 34 years, I missed the quiet presence of another person. I want to have someone else just hanging around the house with me.

6. Take steps to connect with other people.

Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change. The pain of loneliness can prod you to connect with other people. Unfortunately, loneliness itself can make people feel more negative, critical, and judgmental. If you recognize that your loneliness may be affecting you in that way, you can take steps to counter it.